Thursday, April 9, 2009

Heavy Heart

I must say that after I wrote my post yesterday I started to have that downward spiraling of saddness come on me. I'm sure we all know the feeling. The one where you have just taken something back from God's hands that you had already given to Him to do as He willed. Thinking that you know what is best in the situation. You know, I have been so good at not doing that during this entire adoption process. I truley had peace in knowing that His timing was always perfect and there was nothing that I was going to do to make it go faster or slower. Everything would happen right at its intended time. I don't know what happened yesterday. I saw two people get their PAs and they had sent out their LOI when I did. I am extremely happy for them. I guess I was just thinking all day that "this is the day". Honestly, I know why I am having a hard time now. I have seen my daughter's face and my heart has been so deeply touched that I am truley connected with this child that is somewhere on the other side of the world from me. My motherly instincts want to get her NOW! So, I guess I thought that since God had made everything, up to this point, move so quickly, why would He stop now? This is where He knew I would have the hardest time letting go of "my timing" and depending on "His timing". I guess deep down I knew it too. I prayed about it last night, and I still know that His timing is best for everyone involved. I will continue to place it in His hands (sometimes on a moment to moment basis) knowing that it will come to be in its appointed time.


Tammy said...

You're right. It's all about God's timing although I know the adoption wait is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I'll continue to pray for you.

Cari Bacon said...

Dear Gretchen,

I'm sure you already know this verse, but it came to mind as I was reading your post. Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding". I'm not posting that because I "have it all under control". I struggle with the same issue. I'm waiting on our I800A to get approved. I just want to get our dossier over to China like yesterday!

Karin said...

Sometimes I wonder which is harder, waiting or adjusting our expectations of what we think the wait should be. :)

To encourage you, every time we have had a delay it was for a reason. Each time we were in China, we met people--sometimes not in our adoption group, but just other families in the same hotel--that were God-appointed. We are still in contact with them to this day. I often think about how if we had just gotten approval(s) a week sooner, we would not have these wonderful people in our lives.

Kim said...

His timing is the know that deep in your heart. You know that He will work it all out when it's suppose to happen. If our paperwork would have gone through 2 weeks it should have had our SW not messed things up...we would have missed Hannah and would have not been in our incredible group which introduced us to some of the most amazing LIFELONG friends.

I know you are sad and discouraged but take heart my dear friend...God is faithful and He will give you peace that passes all understanding.

When we were waiting for Hannah it was only suppose to be a six month wait between LID and was 8. I thought I'd DIE and now I look at everyone in the adoption process and my heart aches for them....It's a long and bumpy road but that makes it all the more worthwhile and spectacular! Trust me love!

I'm here if you need a shoulder or an ear!